The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), my explanation which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, wellness, and love .

But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay males wish to learn from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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